Connecting With His Heart

Green Lake, WI

This summer has been one of much travel, & also much quiet time with the Lord. It began with a week spent in the beautiful town of Green Lake, WI for a week with my favorite people in the world, immediately followed by a week in Austin, TX with family, & now a few weeks in Kansas City, MO - one of my other favorite places.

I can tell you right now that Kansas City wouldn't hold my heart nearly to the extent that it does if it weren't for the Prayer Room. I love downtown, as I love most big cities. I enjoy the coffee shops, the book stores, the endless trendy frozen yogurt places, the markets, the beautiful neighborhoods, & the huge parks. I love actually having places to go after 9pm that are open, & I love exploring. I could go on, but what truly holds my heart here is the Prayer Room.

There is something indescribable about sitting before the Lord in a room that has been filled with nothing but unceasing intercession & adoration toward Jesus for over a decade. It's so beautiful & so holy. There is just a presence that is in that room that I don't hardly feel elsewhere. My heart connects to His in a way I rarely feel it connect beyond those walls. It is almost as if the fog of my life lifts when I enter that room, & I am able to meet with Him in an unknown clarity. It is simply beautiful.

I'm not saying I have never struggled with distraction, restlessness, irritation, or anything else while being in that room. I definitely have. A lot. I have found myself annoyed if the only open seat I can find is directly behind a pillar, or if people keep walking in & out of the row I am in, or if the worship team is playing the same song I've personally deemed way overplayed. These things should never hinder my worship, yet they have in the past. I've fought with mentally checking out when I have read through the same passage of scripture over & over & over again, yet still don't understand it. And there are times when I've been unable to stay focused even long enough to compose a coherent prayer in my mind. But what also happens is I have found my heart connect to the burdens of the Lord in ways that it never has before. That alone is worth every minute of struggle I have ever had to push through while being in that room & before the Lord.

A few days ago, I found myself inside of the coffee shop next door to the Prayer Room. I sat alone at a table in the back with a chai latte, (theirs are personally the best I have ever had), my Bible, journal, & newly purchased copy of the CD 'Hold On'. The CD is an IHOP compilation of music written & inspired by the upcoming movie Nefarious - a documentary on the horrors of the sex trafficking industry.

As I sat alone, I began reading through the CD booklet & found myself getting filled with the Lord's emotions toward these girls who are trapped & tortured. I read through a few of the Psalms & passages in Jeremiah, continuing to experience His burden, & as I went into the Prayer Room, I sat down & felt His emotions pierce my heart in a way I cannot hardly describe.

Slowly but gradually over the years, the Lord has burdened my heart by the reality of the world I live in. He has especially burdened my heart with international areas of justice for the poor, unloved, orphaned, & trafficked. I know that He is moving & doing things, & I know that He is calling me to partner with Him in ways that I don't even yet know or understand. I feel as though He has conceived something within me, & I want to partner with Him to see it birthed. Whatever that looks like. I long to be a vessel found faithful in connecting with His heart & seeing it manifest on earth. Yet I think it first begins with sitting at His feet in adoration, even if it's behind a pillar.